So, Steven Gerrard announced his impending departure from the Scousers on New Years day. Clearly Stevie Me was in that ‘new year, new me’ bullshit frame of mind and decided to turn his back on the club he professes to love. For a third time, (at least) I might add. Gerrard is 34. Not old, really, in footballing terms. Certainly not nowadays. But the problem Gerrard has got, is that he’s not a very good footballer. Unlike say a Scholes, or a Giggs, or a Pirlo, or even a Beckham, Gerrard’s abilities were vastly over egged. Technically he epitomises the ‘brain dead’ English footballer I hope we’ve seen the last of. He was physically pretty good, had a decent engine, had, and could strike a ball pretty well from distance. But he could never control a game. Never. He didn’t have the mental know how, or positioning to ever be that top top central midfielder that the Match of the Day watching public wrongly thinks he is. He’s a highlights player. Roy of the Rovers. Pops up in the 90th minute with a winner having done nothing for the 89 minutes preceding it.
He’s a fraud. His passing ability is laughable. There’s been a few jokes since the announcement that he’s going to Hollywood to visit one of his passes. It’s funny because it’s TRUE. Not in a nice way either. Gerrard is the sort of player who thinks ‘why try a simple pass, when a 60 yarder will do’. Not once in all my years of watching United when we play Liverpool have I ever thought, ‘we better keep Gerrard quiet today’. He’s never had that ability. He was good when pushed forward, I’ll give him that, but even in his finest hour, that 2005 Champions League final, he was a passenger. Liverpool were outclassed with Gerrard in midfield, it was only when Hamann came on that they got back into it. I won’t be disrespectful and say they fluked it, they won it, fair and square. But Gerrard didn’t produce a Keano in Turin style performance, not by a long stretch.
The way he’s leaving is the way his career was, in it’s entirety. A selfish man, looking only out for himself. Not the club he claims to love. In 2004 when he first tried to leave the rat-infested ship, he was threatened by gangsters that if he did his family would come to harm. Allegedly those gangsters included the comicly named ‘Pancake’ who it is also alleged was flipping Gerrard’s missus and pouring syrup all over her. This was supposedly the reason behind the U-turn when he first decided he was sick of getting burgled. I first read all about this incident in a book called Football and Gangsters: How Organised Crime Controls the Beautiful Game by Graham Johnson. Well worth a read. You’ll be shocked. It also has a bit of dirt on our very own Captain, too.
But I digress. 6 weeks after the pinnacle of his career Gerrard decided to hand in a transfer request. Shortly after sitting on an open top bus grinning at the hordes of bin dippers that took the afternoon off work to come and cheer him, he decided he didn’t feel enough love from the club and slung in a second transfer request. How’s this not brought up? Rooney hands in ONE after questioning the clubs policy in the aftermath of selling Ronaldo, like we all did, and he’s a pariah, the second may or may not have been a figment of Fergie’s imagination. We’ll probably never know. Eitherway, though, he’s slated for it, when Gerrard’s apologists conveniently ignore that Mr Liverpool TWICE handed in transfer requests and admits to doing so in his book. I can’t even think of the words to describe what doing such a thing in the glow of a Champions League win must have done to the squad, management and the morale at a club.
I’ll skim over the DJ incident, it just highlights how much of a tosser you are. The latest announcement. Which I think went like this ‘I’ve not been able to play in the holding role, now my legs have gone. My appalling touch and sheer lack of mental acuity means that Joe Allen and Henderson are now prefered to me in midfield by my equally embarrassing and strange manager, Brendan Rodgers. I wish to prove my love for the club by leaving the moment I am no longer considered a first choice player and even though I tried, I can’t insert ‘must play’ clause into my contract. So I’m off to play in the pub league for a couple years. I’ll likely win a Championship as Galaxy are the Yank equivalent of Celtic, so it’ll suit my ‘style’ of play. I can then gloat about finally winning a championship.
If he truly loved the club, he’d have embraced the sort of role Giggs and Scholes took up. He might think he’s the Liverpool equivalent of these two great ambassadors of our great club, and know what? I’ll give him that, because he’s not in the same league as them and neither are Liverpool to Manchester United. The way they celebrated the failure to win anything like they did last summer summed them up more than I could ever describe. 8 books about coming second. Unbelieably…… Scouse.
I did want to have a bit of an in depth rant about LVG and how shit we’ve been but I think that’s enough for one week. There’s a lot of shit I’ve waffled there and I’ve nowt new to add to my analysis of how we’ve been playing. Except to say I expected improvement with Herrera, Rafael and Shaw being back. So I’m at a loss now as to what we do. Changing the formation seems obvious. Di Maria running at people should work. Who knows. Something needs to happen, though. We’re winning but the ‘quality’ of football on show is very Moyes-ish. Not that I’m comparing our two managers. Only the performance. If Moyes had produced the performances we are under Van Gaal he’d be crucified. But I think we’ve all too much confidence in LVG to start chucking toys out of the pram. Injuries will heal and we’ll find the balance. I’m certain.
Finally, again. I’ve told you all twice now, so you’ve no excuse, but until it sells out I gotta keep saying it. You have no excuse not to get involved and get a ticket or ten for our Sportsman’s Dinner in March, It’s Pallister and Sharpie, it’s raising dosh for Cancer Research and it’ll be a right good piss-up. See the link below.
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